HADER ON ICE

‘Temperatures in summer are like in the tropics! Because of that, all of a sudden there are these massive insects! They didn’t used to be around! If they sting you, you get a bump that won’t go away for months! They’re probably all genetically modified. And the plants! They’re going a bit daft now too. They’re going mad, those plants! They’re taking over everything now! Ever since I stopped going out. My theory is that the plants want to reclaim dominion over the planet. They’re all connected underground via their roots. Worldwide! The plants have a secret plan. They want the total destruction of Western culture and Austrian folk rock ’n’ roll. It’s all to be replaced by, er, photosynthesis.”